Clever Darling
Did I mention I've got a cold. I made it through a pack and a half of strepsils yesterday and I still don't feel any better.
I'm going to take my immune system out into the back garden and shoot it.
Clever Darling
And so the first of my unavoidably shit days begins. Today: Meeting with my Arc mentor, Maths, cancelled lesson, bit of lunch, halfway through lunch my C2 mock starts. It ends an hour and a half later so I can go to a Roman History lesson that should be Greek Literature but has been swapped because we've finished one side and not the other.

Tomorrow, well, that's a party with Daniel's friends and we won't bother talking about that
Saturday might be ok, there's nothing bad scheduled yet.
Sunday is probably going out with Daniel's friends.
Monday is bank holiday, and so ends the shit time.

Grawr.
Clever Darling
Stress levels approaching highest level of pre-exam misery.
Symptoms: Physical and mental tension, exhaustion, twitchiness, crazy eyes, forgetting to put on matching socks in the morning, compulsion to work every waking hour, maths formulas constantly running through mind, tendency to make lists...

Danger levels: Medium. Not quite at homicidal rampage yet but I might bite off a few heads.
Clever Darling
Friday was a good day. I went to one lesson because one was cancelled and I very nicely asked not to go to the other one so I could do charity work so all I had all day was my Roman History test. And I was dressed as a pirate all day. And the subway guy gave me a discount because I was dressed as a pirate for charity. And I got to play with loooads of money and got really hyper and it was sunny and I went out with D in the evening for a bit and I know we weren't out long enough for him but it was still nicer than usual and then I stayed at his for the first time in aggeeessss and I think that made him happy and then Saturday we went to the beach and there were crabs and sand and fish and an orange. And gelatinous green blobs. Which I still can't identify. And then there was naptimes. Because I was tired. And yesterday there wasn't much but D was sniffly so he was all cuddly and squeaked angrily when you poked him and I amused myself in this way.

Aaaand now it's Monday morning. This is a terrible shame. I'm tired and I can't be bothered to make lunch so I'll be hungry later and I have five lessons including Tutorial, my shit English teacher, and my lesser Classics teacher. Alas, I shall sigh and move ever onward, towards sleep. Mmmm sleeeeeep....
Clever Darling
:O I forgot to mention that my last post was my 200th. Go me.

And now on to the 201st post!!

Don't take this personally, but I'm not that fussed about people. There are people I definitely don't like because of their personalities or they've hurt me in the past, and there's everyone else. Yeah, I like people a lot of the time, but none of my friends are like 'best friends' in the way that term is generally used. I think it comes primarily from not staying in one place for most of my childhood, but also, well, people are kinda annoying. Instable, illogical, thoughtless, selfish, rude, emotional, in some cases mental. And I accept that I'm a person too, but life would be pretty hard if I didn't get on with myself (trust me, I don't most of the time and it just leads to arguments and mental breakdowns), but apart from the essentials in my life of me, D, work, and entertainment, I really don't care that much.

And I'm sorry, but I don't class 'entertainment' as teenage drunken parties. Not interested. The primary aims of such parties seem to be to get drunk (which doesn't interest me at all, I see no pleasure in it that can't be gained without it), and get off with someone, which obviously I don't need. Yes, it's socialising. But I socialise every day at college, and if I want to talk to and see people outside of it, I do. Why does that require a night of mindless self indulgence? Take a hint from the fact that I'm currently writing a 5000 word essay on teenage drinking.

I know I'm somewhat in the minority on this. And I know that D isn't. And that does lead to potential problems. But I can't live a life that has no responsibilities, or cares, or inhibitions. I tried that last summer and realised it wasn't good for me. Or for us. And I know he's younger than me, and much more so a 'teenager' in mindset, and yes, it is unfair that he has to act older than he may want to because of me. But at the same time, that's a decision he's made in being with me. And it's not as if it's everything, it's just some things that disgust me so much I can't bear it. The lack of respect, both for themselves and for others, it's just totally wrong, and the extremes to which they take it...it makes me feel sick to think about.

So please don't ask me to go through that, seeing that same sort of situation as the night that made me feel like the ground was gone from under me, with the same people that took it.
Clever Darling
It's pretty damn tough for most of us to stay positive at the moment it seems. There's exams, there's social life, there's the future, there's love, there's just everything all at once and all those irritating people that only ever make our problems worse.

But you know what? Screw them all. Our lives, our futures, our abilities, our achievements, our choices, all ours. There are so many things nobod and nothing can take away from us and there's no way, in the face of that, that we can ever give up. Vicky, if you're reading this, you ARE the heroine. So am I, so are we all. 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent' and nobody can get in your way unless you let them.

Although I admit sometimes it's bloody hard and my current resolution is to bury myself so much in schoolwork and revision I can't remember any of it. It's not working amazingly. I feel like I'm running in every direction and sleepy all the time and worried about certain subjects and...but at least I'm fairly confident with some of my subjects :D

And at the end of the day, exams are the next nine weeks of my life. Big deal.
Clever Darling
I just watched a video of an octopus stealing a camera. It was pretty stunning.

GRRRR the Lib Dems are in front on YouGov again, by like 2% this irritates me, but at least on ComRes the Tories are at 35% vs Lib Dems 26%, and the Average of the Polls is coming out with the Tories at 33% and Lib Dems at 26%. But done of those percentages are enough for a majority, although 35% is getting there.

Anyway...life. Yesterday was all sunny and whatnot and we actually ventured outside at lunch, I know, scary huh. Pretty uneventful day other than that, brought my demon rabbit inside for a while and he bit my leg quite hard, resulting in him being turned upside down and then returned to his hutch as punishment. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me but I will not have rabbit shaped toothmarks on me. It's just not fashionable.

Also, I got confirmation that my place is booked for the St John's college open day at Oxford, which is good because places are fairly limited. And that's a shiny free day off college in July to look forward to.

Oh, on the previous topic of octopusness, I've always loved this website.

Clever Darling
'Is A God Delusion' was a bit of a let down, really, 'The Dawkins Delusion' was much more entertaining due to it's aggressive first person tone, but this was just a sort of drawn out repetition of the same ideas, with another document in the prologue that was yet another repetition. So, yeah, I haven't been converted. But I do see a few valid flaws in Dawkin's arguments, and may have to reread the God Delusion at some point when I have the time, which is not now...

So, last night I did that, and then when I finished it moved on to the thrilling activity of reading a Pride and Prejudice guide. Wasn't actually that bad to just sit and read, and seems like the most logical way to learn the stuff, but after about 60 pages I was so tired that I had to abandon my book and merely roll over and wait for my rice pudding before going to bed.

Yeah, about that, at about 7pm last night I was overcome by a desire for rice pudding. Mum then went and cooked it for me, because I was very sleepy and she was feeling creative, but it still took like two and a half hours to boil down and I just had to have some before I went to bed. And godamnit it was worth it. Hom nom nom....

So, today was the first day back. Mixed feelings as ever. Since I usually go mostly hermit in the short holidays (ie anything not summer) I don't really see my friends, if at all, so it's always nice to go back to college and feel the love. But of course, it was college. First lesson with my useless English teacher, but I have decided to adopt a new strategy this term. If I can force him to have just one short, intelligent conversation with me about some reasonably complex aspect of the topic (in this case a poem), then I might actually benefit from his teaching. If not, well, I've got a teaching guide for the syllabus now that goes into immense details, so I win with or without him. The highlight of my day was probably the fact that the fire alarm went off twice during tutorial, meaning that we only actually spent about 20 mins stuck in there with devil woman, because of the builders fucking with the electrics, and the guy I really hate from the group of people I hang out with is stranded in Germany (I also find it interesting that he went to Germany, being quite literally a young Communist soldier, I'd expect him to go to Russia or China).

So overall not a bad day, followed by three hours of extremely detailed flashcard making for Greek Literature, which sounds more immature than it was. And now I'm just chillin' for a bit before I go and sleep in my nice warm comfy bed.
Clever Darling
Thursday was an overall very unexciting day in which I did little more than revise and have a shower. Thrilling huh? :P

Friday was the start of The Weekend. I capitalise it because up until about an hour ago, from Friday evening to then, there were no parents here, and D was. I need not say more, but it was quite a loverly weekend, although there were the inevitable arguments.

I don't see arguments as the sign of a bad relationship at all, it's more a sign that you're communicating, which is a good thing unless it's all negative I guess. But yeah, D gets much more stressed about our arguments than I do, but really to me they're just kinda aggressive ways of talking. And at the end of the day I know we've never had an argument that we didn't resolve, within a few days at the absolute latest, so what's there to worry about?

Anyway, so tomorrow is the day of doom and misery, ie the start of the summer term. The good news is, there's only 7 weeks until half term, the bad news is that there's only 5/6 weeks until ALL BUT TWO of my exams. This is not a very positive sign in my humble opinion seeing as in about half of my units we haven't actually finished yet and in the case of English Lit (poetry) we have a shit teacher and Philosophy (one unit, the first exam I have inicidentally) the teacher has missed LOADS of lessons because he had some family stuff and has a relatively confusing and slow teaching style when compared to our other Philosophy teacher, I'm not feeling amazing about the exams. BUT I have my sexy revision plans:
- Write everything down, in an ordered way, repeatedly. Writing things down improves how well you remember them and being a mostly visual learner this works pretty well for me.
- Colours. Lots of colours. Colours highlight important information and make life much more interesting meaning concentration doesn't die off after a few minutes of revising.
- Wall. My walls become a giant blue tac billboard in the run up to any exams, they become covered in hand written notes, tables, mindmaps, summary boxes, character maps, timelines, as much variety as I can manage with as much detail covering all of my subjects. It sounds like a lot of work but I've done a unit of Philosophy, all of my Roman History and all of my poetry and maths notes already. Given that I've only spent about two days doing revision this whole holiday, I'd say that's a fair way to do it.
- Talking. Explaining shizzle, following concepts through in conversation forces you to understand them properly, and you can easily identify holes in knowledge if someone asks a question you can't answer. This works best for Philosophy I guess but I tend to use it for Roman History as well since D's fairly attentive on that topic if not most others :P

But yes, enough of my babble, I shall now return to my book ('Is God a Delusion', yes, I'm reading something from the other side's standpoint, no, I'm not particularly impressed thus far), and mental preparations for tomorrow.
Clever Darling
I was thinking. Yes, I can do that. And no, it didn't hurt. Anyway, you know the book, A Clockwork Orange, by Anthony Burgess? If you don't, off you go: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Clockwork-Orange-Penguin-Modern-Classics/dp/0141182601

Right, got it now? Anyway. That book is written in an amazingly clever style. Yes, it kinda carries over to the film version, but you don't really appreciate it as much as in the book. Basically, some words are swapped into this made up street slang language, but it's mixed in with English, and essentially as the book goes on you actually learn this language. Well, bits of it. Anyway. WHY HAS NOBODY UTILISED THIS AS A TEACHING TECHNIQUE? Think about it. Harry Potter, with occasional words swapped into say, French for example, at the beginning, with more and more words coming in as you learn them, until eventually the last few chapters are entirely in French. Yes, I know, the French grammatical system is different from English, so you'd have a tricky job translating, but still. The idea is genius. For example, look.


'Rapunzel grew into the most beautiful child under the sun. When she was twelve years old, the lamia shut her into a propugnaculum, which lay in a forest, and had neither stairs nor door, but quite at the top was a little window. When the lamia wanted to go in, she placed herself beneath it and cried, Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your crines to me.
Rapunzel had magnificent long crines, fine as spun gold, and when she heard the voice of the lamia she unfastened her braided crines, wound them round one of the hooks of the window above, and then the crines fell twenty ells down, and the lamia climbed up by it. After a year or two, it came to pass that the king's son rode through the forest and passed by the propugnaculum.
Then he heard a song, which was so charming that he stood still and listened. This was Rapunzel, who in her solitude passed her time in letting her sweet voice resound. The king's son wanted to climb up to her, and looked for the door of the propugnaculum, but none was to be found. He rode home, but the singing had so deeply touched his heart, that every day he went out into the forest and listened to it. '

Three words swapped: crines, propugnaculum, and lamia. 
Are you going to tell me that by the end of the extract you had no idea that those words meant hair, tower, and witch?

If you do, then you're just not very bright, or you never knew the story of Rapunzel as a child. 

Anyway, it's a fantastic mechanism, and just requires that the reader has some previous knowledge of the story, or the context makes it extremely obvious what the word must be:

There was a tall arbor, it's branches stretching high into the canopy, with shiny green leaves all over them. 

In fact, lots of books use the technique, especially fantasy, to introduce strange species or new languages etc, and they never once need to give you a dictionary. But nobody ever tried to teach me French using the same technique. Why not?
Clever Darling
I've been browsing other blogs for inspiration, since I want mine to be, well, less dull. But basically all I've found is:
- Lots of blogs about people's families and children. Well, I could sit and tell you about my family, but I don't think that'll be much fun. And I don't have lots of smiling family portraits to upload from Spain, because we don't do holidays. We do moves with brief stop overs in exciting places. I could tell you about those I guess, but again, not much fun for either of us.
- Lots of blogs about religion. Well, to be completely honest, Jesus just hasn't found me yet. I used to have a fiery hatred towards religion but like most of the things I used to hate with a passion, over time as my energies have been directed into other areas, I now just loathe it with burning embers. But don't get me started because then I won't stop.


Grrr my Dad's laptop keyboard is buggery. Can't wait to get mine back, not so happy about the £200 repair cost. I coudl so it was my fault, but I, unlike my Dad, don't subscribe to allocating blame for accidents.

- Some other blogs about people's pets, from the pet's point of view. Ok, that can be pretty funny. But it's also kinda weird. And what would my pets say? Ruby: Today I ate some bread and begged for some bacon and barked a lot. Bubby: I hate you all, pathetic mortals...
Actually, the Bubby part might have potential...
No, I will not stoop to making my rabbit's assumed persona the topic of a blog.

- A lot of people also seem to use their blogs to sell things, or display their art. I could do that I suppose. I sketch a fair bit, but I'm too lazy to upload stuff. I will take this opportunity to say I have llooooads of children's books for sale at the moment, so younger brothers or sisters let me know :)


Is it really so hard to find a decent blog? I want to read the kind of blog that gives you real insights into interesting people's lives. Not their pets, I don't want to hear about their holidays or their pregnancy tests, weddings plans or scrapbook designs. But how to narrow it all down? I shall just have to surf some more.

...Later. Much much later .
The results of my careful trawling?
A blog written by someone either slightly psycho or who is a total genius in terms of comedy. I'm sorry what? You want the link? Hell no, I had to work for it :P

P.s. I just realised I can schedule when I want posts to be uploaded and write them in advance  :O
Expect post increase.
Clever Darling
I've just noticed it doesn't appear possible to insert videos into these posts. This annoys me as it prevents me from trying something I've been thinking of.
Clever Darling
Monday

Was the day after Sunday :D

Nah, Monday was quite a loverly day. Went to Cambridge with D and we spent like £15 on food and went and had a picnic in a church garden across from this awesome old fashioned sweet shop. Twas really nice, although D spilt brine all over himself trying to get the olive jar open :P Then we came home and I was slightly hyperactive. Like, just a little bit. Ok, a lot. Shhh.

Tuesday

Made tables. Lots of tables. Well, I made three tables. That's a lot. Philosophy revision. Grawr. Also found out that it's costing £200 to get my laptop fixed :'( I could almost buy a new one for that >:( But I need the stuff that's on the hard drive and it would have cost £50 just for them to send it back broken >:(


Today

Well my nan's here, and mum was at work, so spent the day kinda babysitting, walked her to town so she could buy the paper. Otherwise just played on the wii mostly, the Lego games are amazing :D D and I completed Star Wars ages ago but there's still loads of bonus stuff to do, and we got Batman on Monday so that's funtimes too :D

However, most important is the future not the past. Before the looming fact of college Monday swallows me up, there is this weekend. This golden precious weekend, where my parents leave on Friday morning and don't come back until mid Sunday and D is here that whole time. The plans I have...*drifts off into mostly R rated daydream*. I'm a teenager sometimes children, just accept it and move on.
Clever Darling
Wednesday
Sick a bit more. The laptop man came quite early so I could go into town and violently rape D ;) The walk up there wasn't particularly pleasant, but I managed it so whatever. Kept D for the night because I'm sexy like that.

Thursday
Errr...what happened thursday, D was here...I can't really remember what we did actually. Grr. I know I kept him another night though. :D


Friday
Woke up slightly early-ish to go up to the hospitabubble so D could get a prescription, walked home, oozed love and affection, and finally allowed him to go to his unfortunate home in the evening.

Saturday
Went to Cromer, ate fish, ate chocolate, D ate scorpon lollipop, came home, D mowed lawn, ate potato. Which have eyes by the way.

Sunday
That's today. I have created revision notes for my ENTIRE maths course and I'm contemplating moving on to something else but I think I'd rather read.


Basically the last week has just been an ooze hatred fest towards D's family. They consistently refuse to acknowledge that he is human, and an independent being, not their property. Their lack of proper parenting and respect for him makes me angry enough, but the fact that they MUST know that what they do is wrong, because they put on a facade in public, shows that they are quite simple the most revolting, pathetic, vile, loathsome people that I know.

And it's not just that, to me those people represent all of the bad neglectful and abusive parents on the planet, and in the same way that fanatical religion does, that just makes me feel an anger towards the injustice that I can't calm or express. It's quite simply just pure and unadultered hate that neither time nor rational thinking can get rid of, because the fact that people like that can even be allowed to have children is just wrong. And the fact that D is still one of the most compassionate, gentle, clumsy and innocent (yeah, you heard me bitch :P) people I know DESPITE them makes it just so...GRAWR.
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Clever Darling
Grr. Another standard day in the life of me, still sick, D's having issues with his parents that just seem ever escalating, and my laptop is being shipped off for death tomorrow and HOPEFULLY the hard drive will survive so I don't have to redo those essay plans for English...

Now I shall cocoon myself in my bob the builder blanket, grab a  book, and worry about D endlessly.
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Clever Darling
Woke up at 2am to stumble to the bathroom and be sick, went back to bed, did it again 10 minutes later, got moaned at for waking my parents up, moved my quilts into the lounge, managed to go to sleep, got told to move out to my bedroom at about 10am, which I did, but made me so dizzy that I fainted in the bathroom. Fail. Luckily the door wasn't locked so I was rescued by mum and swiftly plonked into the spare room bed and told to damn well stay there.
Spent all day lolling around feeling like death and I don't even get a D pillow because Dad seems to think I'll get less rest without my giant pillow/nurse. Grrr.


Oh, and I tried my laptop one last time, at which it promptly caught fire a little bit and filled the room with the pleasant smell of melting plastic. I hope the hard drive can be salvaged.
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Clever Darling
My laptop's buggered due to an accident and some water. Bugger it all.
Clever Darling
Right. I need to stop getting stressed out about stuff. And when I say stuff, at the moment I mean college work/exams. My first exam in in six weeks and six days. All of my exams except two are before half term. This is bad, but there isn't much I can do about it. Two of my exams are on the same day, one at 9:15 for 90 minutes, another at 13:45 for 90 minutes. That's shit, but I still have from 10:45 to 1:00 between in which to madly swap what I'm thinking about. Two out of my three harder exams are on the other side of half term, meaning I can not particularly worry about them until the rest of my exams are over. This is good.

I'm doing five A levels. This is good. I enjoy my subjects and know I can do all five to a high standard.
I'm doing five A levels. This is completely insane and I should just go shoot myself.

On top of uni, it's going to cost me around another £20000 to become a barrister, and that's if I do a straight law degree. My student fees and living costs are going to amount to around £60000. This is bad.
I only have £3000 of my own, and I can get around another £3000 a year from my parents, and £3000 direct student loan from the government. This is good, it pays for my first year and 2/3 of my second two years.
I currently have no guaranteed source of funding for my barrister training, and I may not get any. This is very bad. I should go do some work experience.

I am not good at analysing poety. I have an extremely poor teacher for that unit. Half of my English Literature exam is on this unit. This is bad.
I have recently bought a Biographical and Critical Study of the poet in question. This is good.
I've yet to read it. This is not so good.

I suck at writing philosophy essays. The feedback on my teachers is not very specific, and is essentially just: keep trying and make sure you know stuff. This is not particularly helpful.
I have loads of examples of what I should NOT do given my past essays for philosophy. Every cloud has a silver lining.

I am going to spend most of Easter revising. This is bad and makes me feel like I'm neglecting D, even though I know I don't have much choice. It still means spending less time with him or spending the time I am with him working.
However, you do need to start revising for your own exams dear :P so maybe it's a good thing.